well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
