Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
