He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
