I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
