I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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