i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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