After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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