this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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