I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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