It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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