I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
