I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize