that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
