every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
