Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
