Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
