That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
