Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
