my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize