Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
