you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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