His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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