guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
