The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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