Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
