I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
