She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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