I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
