Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
