I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
