My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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