im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
