Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
