He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
