We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize