Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
