I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
