Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
