The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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