How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
