he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
