There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
