Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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