operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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