I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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