you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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