Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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