i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
