i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
