he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
