What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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