I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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