i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
