I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
