I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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