Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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