Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
