you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
