I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
