Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
