Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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