I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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