it hurts more in the daytime
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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