What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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