all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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