i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
