I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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