he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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