remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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