I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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