we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
