You smell like stripper and shame
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
