New low: just hacked my moms facebook
zippers are such a cool invention
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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