I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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