I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
