Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize