dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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